"God gave us families to help us become what he wants us to be." This is a truth I have discovered as a wife and mother. This line comes from one of our primary songs which was the theme song of our primary program this year, "My Eternal Family." We performed it today with a great spirit. I tried not to let the stress anxiety get in the way and it worked. I focused on only praising positively and I could see the light in the return smiles as the kids sang and happily followed my directions. We sang 8 songs and I love them all:
God Gave Us Families
How Firm a Foundation
My Eternal Family
I Feel My Savior's Love
Baptism
I'll Seek the Lord Early
He Sent His Son
Families Can Be Together Forever
Dave and I sang solos on the opening song that outlines the fathers and mothers roles and opportunities to serve in the family. What a blessing to teach our children gospel truths through music and example. I hope they will remember it forever.
Our Father has a family It's me, it's you,
all others too. We are his children.
He sent each one of us to Earth, through birth,
to live and learn here in families.
Chorus:
God Gave us Families
to help us become what he wants us to be.
This is how he shares his love,
for the family is of God.
A father's place is to preside, provide,
to love and teach the gospel to his children.
A father leads in family prayer to share
their love for Father in Heaven.
Chorus
A mother's purpose is to care, prepare,
to nurture and to strengthen all her children.
She teaches children to obey, to pray,
to love and serve in the family.
Chorus
I'll love and serve my family and be
a good example to each family member.
And when I am a mom or dad, so glad,
I'll help my family remember.
God Gave us Families
to help us become what he wants us to be.
This is how he shares his love,
for the family is of God.
It makes perfect sense to me that as we our whole through our family relationships, our Father in Heaven would allows those relationships to continue after death. It truly would be hell to be far from Father without my family. E
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Incredible Dave's 3rd Annual - Thanks
Well we pulled it off! Dave's third annual client appreciation party came off without a hitch. We served tacos to about 50 people at Granite Park. We didn't get really nervous until just an hour or so before when I realized I had to somehow transport a sloshy pan of beans, hot rice and hot chicken and beef filling to the park. Oh yeah, in the CRV with the three kids and the client appreciation reward of a bike trailer. Oh and a half sheet double-layer chocolate mousse cake. Dave was heroic and took it all in stride. He went ahead and set up the tables and dropped off the net for volleyball. Came back and got us along with all the food and service minus the beans and one pan of meat an half hour before Then he quickly went back home and brought the food, smartly packed with towels to prevent "sloshage", and the bike trailer. Whew! Dave really is incredible. I love him and admire him more each year as he gets more and more organized and prepared.
Thanks to Cathy and Jerry for the tables, cloths, and the slow cooker. Thanks to Leta for cutting up all the beautifully colored peppers!
It was a beautiful night. We listened to Chris Jones playing and singing music and the kids were playing on the jungle jims. We didn't bother taking any photos, we just enjoyed the party. Dave did an excellent job of welcoming and thanking everybody for their support as professional clients. If you didn't make it, I hope you got your thank you note in the mail. As Dave always says, "I'm never too busy for your referrals." Thank you everybody for making our success possible! Thanks to Heavenly Father for always providing in a timely way. E
Thanks to Cathy and Jerry for the tables, cloths, and the slow cooker. Thanks to Leta for cutting up all the beautifully colored peppers!
It was a beautiful night. We listened to Chris Jones playing and singing music and the kids were playing on the jungle jims. We didn't bother taking any photos, we just enjoyed the party. Dave did an excellent job of welcoming and thanking everybody for their support as professional clients. If you didn't make it, I hope you got your thank you note in the mail. As Dave always says, "I'm never too busy for your referrals." Thank you everybody for making our success possible! Thanks to Heavenly Father for always providing in a timely way. E
Daphne Dream
It's official. Daphne is just a dream. She's 4 1/2 months now. I can't believe how effortless it has been to nurture here. The first three weeks were a bit uncertain, but once the nursing kicked in, we were home free for sure. She is full of chirping happy sounds. She is always delighted to see you. She is almost completely rolling over and in love with her thumb. She didn't start sucking her thumb until this past month where Calla started sucking within the first week or two. However, Daphne seems to love sucking her thumb any time of day or night, not just to sooth hunger or lull herself to sleep. Interesting development. I thought I might not have been nursing her enough, but I think she just loves it, because there's no way possible I could nurse her as often as she chooses to suck it. We would be siamese mother and baby. E
Potty Training and Anger Management
Belle and I are settling into a routine of much needed one-on-one time. Her language skills are taking off sans spokesister. I am learning to pay more attention to her speech and needs. Her speech therapist is coming this Thursday and she will surely be testing out of the program that day. Hooray for Belle!
We started a bit of potty training this week as she will often take her diaper off as soon as it's wet and she usually announces after she has filled it. I've been pretty laid back about it, until this weekend. I let myself get carried away with too many commitments in one day and too many thoughts of "performance" like putting on a dinner for somebody, making sure the peaches don't get wasted, etc.
She had an amazing day when she went "tinkle" twice on the potty in one day, but by the end of the day we were both tired. I was busy trying to get the dinner on and she was exhausted and wanting milk. We were out. I just couldn't see the solution of offering water or even making powdered milk. She would have accepted it gladly. So I just kept listening to her crying, going crazy in my mind, and saying we don't have milk. We'll have to go to the store later. Anyway, things totally degenerated. I ended up having to stop what I was doing anyway to take off her wet pants and underwear after an accident and as the crying and wailing continued the phrase "Just get away from me," escaped loudly from my mouth. Oh not to mention I had just accidentally kneed her in the head as I was hurriedly exiting the bathroom.
Humm. Not a great day as far as following the "warmth=confidence" mantra. Where was my warmth and compassion? Where was my focus? What was my priority? Well it definitely wasn't Belle. It wasn't Calla or Daphne for that matter. It was me. I decided I don't ever want to do that again.
Needless to say, I think we'll wait a bit for potty training until Belle really starts asking for it. I haven't quite caught up with my sleep for me to really make this a productive and joyful step for Belle. Belle's wakes up as much or more than Daphne so I have spent many days like a walking zombie. I don't offer this as an excuse for the inexcusable, I just have become more aware of where my feelings, thoughts, and unmet physical needs can take me. I don't want my children to be safer away from me than they are when they are near me.
I am casting off all performance and I am refocusing on my children. I am going to spend the week really listening to Belle and Calla and Daphne and responding more timely and appropriately. This is what I am here to learn. This is what I signed on for by choosing to have children. How grateful I am to have such loving, energetic, and beautiful girls. I hope they will remember I was a kind and loving mother who taught them well and exuded warmth and tenderness. Dave watched with Belle that night so I could sleep alone in another room and just take care of Daphne. It helped a lot and I was much happier to see her in the morning. We might do this again if needed to help both Belle and I move into a new phase of interdependence. E
We started a bit of potty training this week as she will often take her diaper off as soon as it's wet and she usually announces after she has filled it. I've been pretty laid back about it, until this weekend. I let myself get carried away with too many commitments in one day and too many thoughts of "performance" like putting on a dinner for somebody, making sure the peaches don't get wasted, etc.
She had an amazing day when she went "tinkle" twice on the potty in one day, but by the end of the day we were both tired. I was busy trying to get the dinner on and she was exhausted and wanting milk. We were out. I just couldn't see the solution of offering water or even making powdered milk. She would have accepted it gladly. So I just kept listening to her crying, going crazy in my mind, and saying we don't have milk. We'll have to go to the store later. Anyway, things totally degenerated. I ended up having to stop what I was doing anyway to take off her wet pants and underwear after an accident and as the crying and wailing continued the phrase "Just get away from me," escaped loudly from my mouth. Oh not to mention I had just accidentally kneed her in the head as I was hurriedly exiting the bathroom.
Humm. Not a great day as far as following the "warmth=confidence" mantra. Where was my warmth and compassion? Where was my focus? What was my priority? Well it definitely wasn't Belle. It wasn't Calla or Daphne for that matter. It was me. I decided I don't ever want to do that again.
Needless to say, I think we'll wait a bit for potty training until Belle really starts asking for it. I haven't quite caught up with my sleep for me to really make this a productive and joyful step for Belle. Belle's wakes up as much or more than Daphne so I have spent many days like a walking zombie. I don't offer this as an excuse for the inexcusable, I just have become more aware of where my feelings, thoughts, and unmet physical needs can take me. I don't want my children to be safer away from me than they are when they are near me.
I am casting off all performance and I am refocusing on my children. I am going to spend the week really listening to Belle and Calla and Daphne and responding more timely and appropriately. This is what I am here to learn. This is what I signed on for by choosing to have children. How grateful I am to have such loving, energetic, and beautiful girls. I hope they will remember I was a kind and loving mother who taught them well and exuded warmth and tenderness. Dave watched with Belle that night so I could sleep alone in another room and just take care of Daphne. It helped a lot and I was much happier to see her in the morning. We might do this again if needed to help both Belle and I move into a new phase of interdependence. E
Kindergarten
I'm getting behind. It's been several months since I really posted so I'm going to give you a bunch at once. Hope you enjoyed the "I'm Rubber" posting. I really connected with the visual. I'm going to print the photo with the caption "Be the Hoppity-hop". I realize that I have failed to document one of the most significant events of a mother's life. Kindergarten. It all started on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 9:00 am. My first child is now in Kindergarten. I didn't cry about it on the day. I cried about it the night of Calla's 5th birthday party. I was overcome with a feeling and understanding that she would never be young again and after Kindergarten comes first grade and after first grade, second. We're on the roller coaster now and won't get of for another 12 years. Woa.
I'm actually really excited for her to meet new friends and discover new abilities. She is such a close companion to me and I remember really settling in with school and feeling quite comfortable there, at least academically. I hope she'll have a bit more social success than I. My greatest hope is that she will remember who she is. Her integrity will give her confidence and protect her from embracing incorrect and unrighteous principles. I hope she will be full of kindness and seek to include those who are not so secure and happy and blessed as she and bring others into the light. I hope she will seek learning and enjoy study. I hope she will always be mine.
The bus ride has been a bit of a stretch as it adds a half hour at the end of her half day (9:00 - 11:40 am). We'll see if she starts getting used to it. It has been convenient for me not to have to drive her or walk her all the way to school, but I worry about having a 5 year old on the bus when she could be home with me. Overly protective? The second day out she told me she didn't want to ride the bus home because she was too tired, so I jogged 7 minutes to her school (because we were late trying to accommodate something for Belle). I come up to her in the bus line out of breath and sweating. What does she say with a scrunched up nose? "Mom, you're not supposed to be here! I'm going on the bus." Okay, I'll see you at home. E
I'm actually really excited for her to meet new friends and discover new abilities. She is such a close companion to me and I remember really settling in with school and feeling quite comfortable there, at least academically. I hope she'll have a bit more social success than I. My greatest hope is that she will remember who she is. Her integrity will give her confidence and protect her from embracing incorrect and unrighteous principles. I hope she will be full of kindness and seek to include those who are not so secure and happy and blessed as she and bring others into the light. I hope she will seek learning and enjoy study. I hope she will always be mine.
The bus ride has been a bit of a stretch as it adds a half hour at the end of her half day (9:00 - 11:40 am). We'll see if she starts getting used to it. It has been convenient for me not to have to drive her or walk her all the way to school, but I worry about having a 5 year old on the bus when she could be home with me. Overly protective? The second day out she told me she didn't want to ride the bus home because she was too tired, so I jogged 7 minutes to her school (because we were late trying to accommodate something for Belle). I come up to her in the bus line out of breath and sweating. What does she say with a scrunched up nose? "Mom, you're not supposed to be here! I'm going on the bus." Okay, I'll see you at home. E
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I'm Rubber You're Glue
I had a funny run-in at Walmart today. It always happens at Walmart. I don't know why I continue to shop there. It draws me in my worst moods and it seems to draw other people that I don't really want to be around. This is the second time I have been accosted by a woman looking for fault. But it's not the first time this has happened this year so maybe I'm drawing these types of encounters.
I had a really rough day with Isabel yesterday and realized that she needs a lot more from me. I have fallen into the typical middle child syndrome and spent a lot of my time directing her to somebody or something else. We have experimented a bit with potty training and she might be ready because we had two wins on the potty yesterday. I am not ready however and I need some more positive experiences with Bell and more time to focus on her before we go down that path.
Today was an attempt to make ammends with her. We went just the two of us. Trying desperately to escape negative energy who did we encounter right when we arrived: Super Mom with five kids in her minivan. She must have been trying to get out too because she pulled in quicker than I could finish parking and just as quickly got the kids unloaded.
Anyway, my car was still in motion for the last little bit. I had to get out and move a cart before I could pull in completely. As soon as I got parked and out of the car, I heard her calling to me.
"Blah. Blah. Mumble. Mumble."
"I'm sorry. What was that?"
"You know you almost ran over his foot." Complete surprise on my face. Which kid. When? How?
"Oh. I'm sorry."
'You know you could be more careful." Humm. Should I pick up this gauntlet? I wouldn't be me if I didn't for just a minute. You see, I'm a glue personality.
"Well you might want to wait until I have finished parking to unload your children." Here's where it gets good.
"Well you came in the wrong direction and made an illegal uturn." I don't think it's illegal to go the opposite direction down a parking lane with slanted stalls. It might be a little inconsiderate if the lane is narrow, but hello this is Walmart and hello I'm driving a CRV that's only about 5 feet long. Oh no, I've fallen into the trap. Time to pull out.
"Is he okay?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Thanks." Turn around. Pick up Isabel. Walk away. Luckily she was still in the car and didn't get contaminated.
I get so disturbed by these encounters. They stick with you and they are destructive. I tried to ignore the feeling and focus on serving Isabel. Being aware of her needs and desires. Letting her explore the aisles with me, but it took me the whole drive home to finally get rid of it. I decided I was not going to be a glue personality anymore. I was going to simply say in my mind: Sorry. I can't go there with you. I'm not falling into that trap. And then just walk away.
I really wanted to be more like Dave. He's a rubber personality. I talked to him about it. He taught me that being "rubber" isn't just deflecting because you'll still get poisoned. Nor is it just walking away. In order to be totally immune from the sting and not pick up the negative and angry energy and perpetuate it, prolong it, you actually have to say. "I'm sorry." It sounds counterintuitive, but it is actually a way of not internalizing and accepting somebody elses assessment that you are an unworthy or bad person. You can say I'm sorry because you actually don't believe it yourself and you are truly sorry that somebody else has to carry around such a burden of fear, hostility, anger, insecurity, and me first. You say "I'm sorry" to ease that burden because you are carrying none of it. Not "I'm sorry I'm me", but "I'm sorry you're you" in a sense.
So Jesus was right. Turn the other cheek is your only true escape from these encounters. I realized on the drive home that I actually had a moment of choice to wait to finish parking until they were all unloaded and gone. Just looking back and making sure nobody was right behind me or next to me wasn't good enough. But as I chose to assert myself and go ahead and move the car with people in the aise next to me, I opened myself up.
The second chance I had was when she first spoke with me. The original "Oh, I'm sorry," which I made sure I pointed out to Dave, wasn't quite good enough. He said I need to apologize again and again as long as it took. Following her initial "could have been more careful" remark would have been a good time. And then if I really wanted to exorcise it all, I could have added, "You are absolutely right. I will be more careful next time. I'm sure glad he's okay" And then I could have walked away all rubbery and bouncy and fun. Just like a Hoppity Hop. Isn't that a wonderful feeling!
So Jesus was right. Turn the other cheek is your only true escape from these encounters. I realized on the drive home that I actually had a moment of choice to wait to finish parking until they were all unloaded and gone. Just looking back and making sure nobody was right behind me or next to me wasn't good enough. But as I chose to assert myself and go ahead and move the car with people in the aise next to me, I opened myself up.
The second chance I had was when she first spoke with me. The original "Oh, I'm sorry," which I made sure I pointed out to Dave, wasn't quite good enough. He said I need to apologize again and again as long as it took. Following her initial "could have been more careful" remark would have been a good time. And then if I really wanted to exorcise it all, I could have added, "You are absolutely right. I will be more careful next time. I'm sure glad he's okay" And then I could have walked away all rubbery and bouncy and fun. Just like a Hoppity Hop. Isn't that a wonderful feeling!
I'll have to write about my previous Walmart encounter another time. I'm still not quite over it or ready to admit it happened.
Love to you. E
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Yard Work
I'm trying not to get too compulsive about my yard this summer as we are living 15 minutes away! I spent all last summer and the summer before revamping the flower beds out front and Dave heroically installed the sprinklers and sod in the back last summer. The front is still on manual so we have hired a neighbor boy to water twice a week and we hit it on Friday when we mow the lawn. Not ideal, but better than no grass at all. I took some pictures this spring of the beds, email me any suggestions for planting. I have tons of ideas, but limited funds. Wo is me! I did go ahead and invest in a beautiful Wine and Roses shrub. I've been wanting it for over a year and I figured a small $9.99 starter wouldn't break the bank. We'll see. I planted it on the North East border. 
Other favorites I am saving up for: Mimosa Trees for the back yard, good shade, unique and pretty look. Ivory Silk Lilac Trees for the front parking strip. Hakuro Willow or Weeping Willow Tree for the front corner, and oh yes Peonies. Maybe pale pink mixed with pale yellow columbines like my mom's garden. Makes a pretty vase arrangement and will do well in the shade which I have plenty of in the front.
Other favorites I am saving up for: Mimosa Trees for the back yard, good shade, unique and pretty look. Ivory Silk Lilac Trees for the front parking strip. Hakuro Willow or Weeping Willow Tree for the front corner, and oh yes Peonies. Maybe pale pink mixed with pale yellow columbines like my mom's garden. Makes a pretty vase arrangement and will do well in the shade which I have plenty of in the front.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
9 Ibs
What a relief that Daphne is actually nursing and gaining. I have been quite insecure about this since my struggles with Isabel, but it looks like Daphne is going to pull through with some learned vigilance on my part. It took about three weeks for my milk really to come in and feel adequate and feel like Daphne would take things into her own hands. Up to this point she has sleepily and peacefully left it up to me to make sure she was nursing every 2 - 2 1/2 hours. I have been committed to a good go of nursing so even though I've been a bit tired and people may think a bit over zealous, I think it's paid off. Daphne weighed in at 9 Ibs at just over three weeks. She weighed 8 Ibs 2 oz at birth so I think we're in the money. Love to you. E.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Calla's Portfolio
A couple days before Daphne arrived, Calla's preschool had a play date. Thank goodness because I took the camera, but it was completely full. I knew this was strange because Dave had just recently emptied the card in anticipation of Daphne's birth. I started going back through the photos and I found a card completely filled with Calla's point of view, photos she had taken with the camera. She found the camera on the desk and filled up the card and then returned it just as she had found it, with the exception that it was filled with some rather delightful images from her 4 1/2-year-old world. Enjoy. We did.
Daphne Eve Anderegg Arrives
She's here and she's perfect! Daphne Eve Anderegg was born at 7:33 pm on Sunday May 3, 2009. She weighed 8 Ibs and 2 ozs. She was 19 inches long. Her arrival was welcomed at three days past my due date. She came in what I describe a warm and cozy way. I would describe her birth as the most peaceful and relaxed of al my births, and it was deliberately so. I worked hard to overcome anxiety and the stress that typically characterizes my life. I was able to suspend it for a time in order to welcome her in a quiet and reverent way. I am totally in love with her. Calla was recently introduced to Sleeping Beauty and that is the only way I can explain the artistic photograph included in this set. The little gold crown above her head is Dave's wedding band. I came up to check on Daphne and this is the scene I found.
40 Weeks
Never a good sign when you look better than you feel and you look like this. We have officially reached critical mass by holding on to this baby for an entire 40 weeks.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Girl Things
We had some fun back in March that I never wrote about. We tried curlers for the first time. Calla is always bothered a bit when I try to do her hair, but Isabel just insisted on being included even though I didn't intend to curl her hair at all. It was great fun and I must say these girls are beautiful. Dave let Calla doll him up a bit too. Calla also started a ballet class through community ed. Not too "ballet", but just somewhat of an introduction. Love to you. E
"My heart is So full of love."
We're at 38 weeks and 5 days today. 9 days and counting. Little "Flower" is still moving, but slowing down just a bit. She is getting bigger, I'm sure, and I am getting anxious to meet her. I've been going through a roller coaster of emotions and anxieties as we anticipate having three girls. Sometimes it's easier to focus on just being pregnant and then on labor preparations without making the final jump to nursing and mothering a new baby, for me anyway. I think this is in part due to the fact that the nursing and mothering was not at all what I expected when Isabel was born. We had a bit more of a struggle to find our connection and consciously accept the parenting responsibilities as Isabel wasn't insisting on any of them. It wasn't as effortless and natural as the first time. We hope that this new baby will be as demanding and fussing as Calla was so that we don't have to think too much about what we're doing. I am expecting her to be a voracious nurser as that seems to provide the most solid foundation and most fulfilling bonding.
Birth and labor have been very present in my thoughts over the last two weeks. I've felt a little anxiety there as well as I've tried to visualize things and had to deal for a few weeks with the possibility of a breech baby. I discovered that I don't want to visualize too much as the real essence of giving birth is surrendering to the moment and letting your thoughts, feelings, choices, and actions reflect your true self rather than somebody else's model of an ideal birth. The only real thoughts I've decided to take with me are these: This is the most essential and exhilarating experience of a woman's life and it is quite a rush to experience the intensity of the ebb and flow contractions. I anticipate it to be overwhelming and thrilling, an immensely positive and formative experience in my life. I'm going into this experience with my eyes open (3rd time) and I intend to keep them open and be more aware of the baby in my belly and how near she will come to me with each rush. Even though this will be my third time, it will actually by my first, unknown, never before experienced, a new life, a unique, unforeseeable progression. I won't be hypnobirthing. I won't be Bradley birthing. I'll be Emily birthing. If I ever offered birth education, I would title my classes "Authentic Birth."
Calla and Isabel are eager to meet this baby in mom's tummy. Calla more than Isabel. I think at some point it will come as a great shock to Isa, but we are working on some independence and coping skills to help her adjust more easily (sleeping in the bunk bed near Calla, trying to communicate needs and wants with more words, settling down from tantrums with a little space, sitting, reading, and laughing on the training toilet, etc.) It's been nice the last few days to pull a little bit away from the birth preparations and just focus on the family as is and mothering the two girls I have. With Calla we've been swinging and reading. With Isabel, we've been blowing bubbles and sorting shapes. That's helped me more than anything to have a calm heart and mind and confidence in my ability to appreciate and nurture a third unique personality. She'll come soon enough and when we're all ready.
Calla came home from preschool today with her "heart full of love." She had a sad look on her face and a very quiet demeanor. I asked if she was tired, hungry or sad and her teacher told us that her old preschool teacher, Jeanine, came to visit today and they also dressed up for graduation pictures. I think Calla was filled with a sense of loss and longing as she realized that Jeanine wasn't her teacher anymore and that after May, she wouldn't be going to preschool anymore. She is getting older and is fielding some more complex emotions. This one was hard for her to nail down and deal with. As we drove home she burst into tears and was just weeping over this feeling of loss. I tried to give her some context for her emotions and explained that this meant she was getting bigger and her heart was getting fuller because she loves more people. I also tried to explain that we sometimes have to say goodbye for a time to people we love, but we can always be friends. I also suggested that we would get Jeanine's address so we could still write her letters. These consolations might describe the reality of the situation, but Calla just needed to cry a bit longer: all the way home and well into lunch (I thought food would settle her a bit). She needed a little help so I told her that she needed to settle her heart and think about things that would make her happy, things she could do for Jeanine that would show her love. She struggled and really tried to settle her heart. As we finished lunch, we went downstairs together to tuck Isabel in for a nap and read a story. Calla joined us with a "sippy" cup and a "snuggly," but needed to leave to find one of her teddy bears. She cautioned me to not let Isabel drink from her cup because her "heart was full of love." I promised to keep Isabel safe until she got back. Oh, my heart is full of love for Calla and Isabel and David. I know it will feel even fuller within the coming days. Love to you. E
Pics: Isabel: Easter Morning, Calla: still a little bit oral, Dad: ward easter breakfast, Mom: Easter morning
Birth and labor have been very present in my thoughts over the last two weeks. I've felt a little anxiety there as well as I've tried to visualize things and had to deal for a few weeks with the possibility of a breech baby. I discovered that I don't want to visualize too much as the real essence of giving birth is surrendering to the moment and letting your thoughts, feelings, choices, and actions reflect your true self rather than somebody else's model of an ideal birth. The only real thoughts I've decided to take with me are these: This is the most essential and exhilarating experience of a woman's life and it is quite a rush to experience the intensity of the ebb and flow contractions. I anticipate it to be overwhelming and thrilling, an immensely positive and formative experience in my life. I'm going into this experience with my eyes open (3rd time) and I intend to keep them open and be more aware of the baby in my belly and how near she will come to me with each rush. Even though this will be my third time, it will actually by my first, unknown, never before experienced, a new life, a unique, unforeseeable progression. I won't be hypnobirthing. I won't be Bradley birthing. I'll be Emily birthing. If I ever offered birth education, I would title my classes "Authentic Birth."
Calla and Isabel are eager to meet this baby in mom's tummy. Calla more than Isabel. I think at some point it will come as a great shock to Isa, but we are working on some independence and coping skills to help her adjust more easily (sleeping in the bunk bed near Calla, trying to communicate needs and wants with more words, settling down from tantrums with a little space, sitting, reading, and laughing on the training toilet, etc.) It's been nice the last few days to pull a little bit away from the birth preparations and just focus on the family as is and mothering the two girls I have. With Calla we've been swinging and reading. With Isabel, we've been blowing bubbles and sorting shapes. That's helped me more than anything to have a calm heart and mind and confidence in my ability to appreciate and nurture a third unique personality. She'll come soon enough and when we're all ready.
Calla came home from preschool today with her "heart full of love." She had a sad look on her face and a very quiet demeanor. I asked if she was tired, hungry or sad and her teacher told us that her old preschool teacher, Jeanine, came to visit today and they also dressed up for graduation pictures. I think Calla was filled with a sense of loss and longing as she realized that Jeanine wasn't her teacher anymore and that after May, she wouldn't be going to preschool anymore. She is getting older and is fielding some more complex emotions. This one was hard for her to nail down and deal with. As we drove home she burst into tears and was just weeping over this feeling of loss. I tried to give her some context for her emotions and explained that this meant she was getting bigger and her heart was getting fuller because she loves more people. I also tried to explain that we sometimes have to say goodbye for a time to people we love, but we can always be friends. I also suggested that we would get Jeanine's address so we could still write her letters. These consolations might describe the reality of the situation, but Calla just needed to cry a bit longer: all the way home and well into lunch (I thought food would settle her a bit). She needed a little help so I told her that she needed to settle her heart and think about things that would make her happy, things she could do for Jeanine that would show her love. She struggled and really tried to settle her heart. As we finished lunch, we went downstairs together to tuck Isabel in for a nap and read a story. Calla joined us with a "sippy" cup and a "snuggly," but needed to leave to find one of her teddy bears. She cautioned me to not let Isabel drink from her cup because her "heart was full of love." I promised to keep Isabel safe until she got back. Oh, my heart is full of love for Calla and Isabel and David. I know it will feel even fuller within the coming days. Love to you. E
Pics: Isabel: Easter Morning, Calla: still a little bit oral, Dad: ward easter breakfast, Mom: Easter morning
Friday, February 13, 2009
Simple Pleasures
My blogs are all pretty philosophical so I thought it might be nice to lighten things up a bit. As I review my friends blogs, I notice how fun they are to read, short and sweet, lots of pics and happy thoughts. So here goes. Today was a great day. I'm tired because I'm 7 months pregnant, but I have to say it was a successful day and that I earned an "A" as wife and mother.
We started early with family prayer, got everybody breakfast and helped Dad clean the car until he got a little frustrated with Calla and Isabel climbing all over the seats he was trying to vacuum. We came inside and got warm and let him finish in peace.
On to the life-size doll house extravaganza. We had to replace a vanity in our house to get it ready for renters. (Oh I forgot to post we've moved and we're renting our house out while we house sit for my parents while they're away for 18 months. This is what happens over two months. Sorry for not keeping up to date. Read about it in your Valentine which I sent you this week.) Anyway, the vanity box had a great window shaped rectangle in it and it inspired Calla to recycle. We've done this before with our jumbo diaper boxes, but we've only made doll-size houses before. Today we took the counter top box and went through a roll of moving tape, used some of our moving boxes and wala! (sp?) We officially have completed Calla's vision. It was a labor of love but she seems to be pleased with it, flower box out the window and all. She was a good helper, holding the walls in place while I taped.
Isabel napped through most of the project, but was somehow at some point able to find her way to our dresser drawer which she loves. There she finds deoderant, perfume, jewelry, and her very favorite chapstick. I know it's her favorite because she walks around with it, with the lid off, sucking it and saying, "Mm. Nummy." Yesterday she finished off a fruity Blistex ministick. Today she was starting into my favorite, peppermint Chapstick. Luckily I heard the "Nummy" in time and was able to give her something else to chew on. This was the simple pleasure I deliberately found today. It made me smile. I love to hear Isabel expressing herself.
Happy news. We think we've leased our house out. Our future tenants signed a lease today and put down the necessary deposits. They will move in on Saturday. Hope they enjoy the fun backyard and not so fun kitchen. We might have to modify that a bit later to keep them happy. Love to you. E
We started early with family prayer, got everybody breakfast and helped Dad clean the car until he got a little frustrated with Calla and Isabel climbing all over the seats he was trying to vacuum. We came inside and got warm and let him finish in peace.
On to the life-size doll house extravaganza. We had to replace a vanity in our house to get it ready for renters. (Oh I forgot to post we've moved and we're renting our house out while we house sit for my parents while they're away for 18 months. This is what happens over two months. Sorry for not keeping up to date. Read about it in your Valentine which I sent you this week.) Anyway, the vanity box had a great window shaped rectangle in it and it inspired Calla to recycle. We've done this before with our jumbo diaper boxes, but we've only made doll-size houses before. Today we took the counter top box and went through a roll of moving tape, used some of our moving boxes and wala! (sp?) We officially have completed Calla's vision. It was a labor of love but she seems to be pleased with it, flower box out the window and all. She was a good helper, holding the walls in place while I taped.
Isabel napped through most of the project, but was somehow at some point able to find her way to our dresser drawer which she loves. There she finds deoderant, perfume, jewelry, and her very favorite chapstick. I know it's her favorite because she walks around with it, with the lid off, sucking it and saying, "Mm. Nummy." Yesterday she finished off a fruity Blistex ministick. Today she was starting into my favorite, peppermint Chapstick. Luckily I heard the "Nummy" in time and was able to give her something else to chew on. This was the simple pleasure I deliberately found today. It made me smile. I love to hear Isabel expressing herself.
Happy news. We think we've leased our house out. Our future tenants signed a lease today and put down the necessary deposits. They will move in on Saturday. Hope they enjoy the fun backyard and not so fun kitchen. We might have to modify that a bit later to keep them happy. Love to you. E
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Primary Chorister
I wish I could take pictures of the primary for you. I had my chance at the primary Christmas activity, but I forgot my camera. In October I was released from serving in the Young Women's presidency at the bishopric's request. We needed a new chorister. After only having been in Young Women's for about 6 months or so I wasn't sure how to take the news initially. Of course I was happy to go where they needed me, but I was so excited to help light a fire under the girls, to give them a sense of their eternal opportunities and help them establish a strong foundation for good moral choices leading to the temple. We had just extended a really spiritual Book of Mormon challenge and I was excited to see that through to the end of the year.
However, I was pleasantly surprised by the change. I watched the Church's Video on how to teach a song to young children and I have just become so passionate about the music. I remember most vividly the songs from primary. I think that is where my young testimony really took flight. Most specifically singing "Families Can Be Together Forever." I am convinced a person can be a great chorister, despite my initial fear, just by being willing to practice the songs ahead of time and then open your mouth and sing them when it's time to teach.
This year the primary program outline is entitled "My Eternal Family." We will be singing some of my very favorite songs, including "Families Can Be Together Forever." I know as I knew at an early age that this is the purpose of my life: to develop eternal relationships. Heavenly Father knew me as a child and knew I would come to understand this truth more profoundly with each new phase of life and the accompanying challenges. What a gift for him to help me understand it sooner than later so that I might withstand my trials more faithfully. I am so grateful to David for transforming my life and to Calla and Isabel for transforming it again. E
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Isabel's Christmas
It's been a long while and Grandma Anderegg motivated me to post on our blog. Not sure how many people are viewing it, but we'll assume somebody is. Especially now that Grandma and Grandpa Spencer are in Mexico. They are serving their third mission as Area Medical Advisors in the Monterey area. Hopefully they'll get online and check us out.
We put up our tree for Family Home Evening last week, but Isabel had a hard time not picking the berries and pine cones off the tree. I was getting stressed out about the money we spent on the tree and wondering what was going to happen once we put our nice decorations on it and Christmas was not starting out on a good note. Isabel's association with Christmas trees is "No. No." I would say it very frustratedly and then Calla was my little enforcer. When Isabel would walk past the tree and point and raise her voice and say "No. No." Calla would worriedly usher her away. I knew something wasn't quite right. I went to bed a little disappointed in myself and frustrated with Isabel. After sleeping on it, I discovered that it wouldn't matter if the tree was missing half of the tips on the bottom. We won't even have this tree in five years I'm guessing. I felt what was more important is that Isabel have a happy, joyful feeling as she learns about Christmas and that she feel a secure place in our family as she explores and tries things out and establishes her relationship with her sister Calla. Sometimes I feel a bit out of patience because I've been there done that with Calla and I forget that Isabel is doing this all for the first time and I need to try and give her the space to learn and find joy in her discoveries as I did with Calla rather than thinking about the aftermath, the cleanup, teaching responsibility, appearances, etc.
So in honor of Isabel and my newfound respect for her newness and a deeper understanding of Christmas, I post the picture of our tree: a 3 foot tree wonder we bought for Calla to decorate last year. So that everybody can have a hands on tactile Christmas tree experience this year and mom doesn't get too caught up in the performance of a beautiful, no-kids tree. So that we can focus on the meaning of Christmas and not the trappings (even though Christmas trees are not really trappings and if you could only have one decoration for Christmas, a tree would be it!) Please enjoy the two matching D.I. chairs that frame the tree. I still haven't been able to invest in great furniture, nor do I want to considering we're going to rent out our place next year. More on that later.
I'm also posting our nativity. Our one and only truly heirloom decoration thanks to Grandma Anderegg. I can put it up high enough so I can enjoy it and it's still safe from little fingers. Please note the green wall behind the fireplace. Yes, I painted the room yet again, but this is the last time. I didn't want renters to come into to a rainbow house and think the house was a fun house that they didn't have to take care of. We have an officially all green house now, walls, carpet. I will hire a designer to think through these agonizing, costly decisions for me with our next house or just paint it all white.
News: We're expecting our third baby girl. We didn't know that the last time I posted on the blog. We had an ultrasound on Tuesday, 19 weeks. We're due April 30, just one month before Isabel's second birthday.
My brother Jon got married in October to a beautiful girl named Heather. We're so happy for them to begin the journey. And it is undeniably a journey. We are grateful to be on it although we literally feel stretched at times. This stretching and growing is essential. What a blessing to feel your progress. I think that is a tender mercy of the Lord amidst large challenges. I think about the pioneer stories and the description of coming to "know the Lord in our extremities." We've been at extremes for so long that it almost doesn't feel right when things lighten and get easier. However, I am grateful for the blessings we see coming our way.
I wrote down a thought I had several months ago as I was processing my life (as I often do) and struggling to feel more grateful and recognize the Lord's hand in my development individually and our development as a family. I thought clearly that when we feel stressed and challenged it is important to endure it for a while, to put some time in and we'll figure it out, rather than force a change. We can learn through a process of discovery rather than a process of resistance. Sometimes we don't see things as clearly at the beginning as we do at the end. I also learned that instead of looking with despair at the road ahead, I needed to look back to see how far we've come: missions, college, marriage, children, home owners. It's a pretty good list as far as I'm concerned and for some reason lists make sense to me. We really are learning and growing and doing. I need to have confidence that the Lord will always watch over us and provide for us as long as we are striving to obey the commandments.
Understanding and choosing submission is the great lesson of adulthood. Although we were born to it, we naturally outgrow this divine attribute. Maybe we come as helpless infants so that we can get some practice early on to allow us to one day return to it. I feel we will be tried further to learn humility to bear the the Lord's will, to heed the counsel of a prophet, to align our lives with "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", to live within our means. I hope that when the time comes I will be practiced enough to naturally and joyfully kneel at the Savior's feet.
In the meantime I am grateful for the lessons and joys of motherhood. I wish I was more keenly aware of my daughters' feelings and patterns of learning. I hate to hurt them. But I get better at mothering as Dave becomes more involved in his role as a provider and I I have more experiences with the girls. I truly feel this is what I was sent here to learn, to put myself on the back burner and take care of the needs of my children before my own, to care more about their feelings than my own. That doesn't really jive with today's prescriptive of "Me. Now." but I feel it is right and righteous and I desire to master it so it is an effortless expression of my true and refined nature.
Love to you. E.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
