I had a funny run-in at Walmart today. It always happens at Walmart. I don't know why I continue to shop there. It draws me in my worst moods and it seems to draw other people that I don't really want to be around. This is the second time I have been accosted by a woman looking for fault. But it's not the first time this has happened this year so maybe I'm drawing these types of encounters.
I had a really rough day with Isabel yesterday and realized that she needs a lot more from me. I have fallen into the typical middle child syndrome and spent a lot of my time directing her to somebody or something else. We have experimented a bit with potty training and she might be ready because we had two wins on the potty yesterday. I am not ready however and I need some more positive experiences with Bell and more time to focus on her before we go down that path.
Today was an attempt to make ammends with her. We went just the two of us. Trying desperately to escape negative energy who did we encounter right when we arrived: Super Mom with five kids in her minivan. She must have been trying to get out too because she pulled in quicker than I could finish parking and just as quickly got the kids unloaded.
Anyway, my car was still in motion for the last little bit. I had to get out and move a cart before I could pull in completely. As soon as I got parked and out of the car, I heard her calling to me.
"Blah. Blah. Mumble. Mumble."
"I'm sorry. What was that?"
"You know you almost ran over his foot." Complete surprise on my face. Which kid. When? How?
"Oh. I'm sorry."
'You know you could be more careful." Humm. Should I pick up this gauntlet? I wouldn't be me if I didn't for just a minute. You see, I'm a glue personality.
"Well you might want to wait until I have finished parking to unload your children." Here's where it gets good.
"Well you came in the wrong direction and made an illegal uturn." I don't think it's illegal to go the opposite direction down a parking lane with slanted stalls. It might be a little inconsiderate if the lane is narrow, but hello this is Walmart and hello I'm driving a CRV that's only about 5 feet long. Oh no, I've fallen into the trap. Time to pull out.
"Is he okay?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Thanks." Turn around. Pick up Isabel. Walk away. Luckily she was still in the car and didn't get contaminated.
I get so disturbed by these encounters. They stick with you and they are destructive. I tried to ignore the feeling and focus on serving Isabel. Being aware of her needs and desires. Letting her explore the aisles with me, but it took me the whole drive home to finally get rid of it. I decided I was not going to be a glue personality anymore. I was going to simply say in my mind: Sorry. I can't go there with you. I'm not falling into that trap. And then just walk away.
I really wanted to be more like Dave. He's a rubber personality. I talked to him about it. He taught me that being "rubber" isn't just deflecting because you'll still get poisoned. Nor is it just walking away. In order to be totally immune from the sting and not pick up the negative and angry energy and perpetuate it, prolong it, you actually have to say. "I'm sorry." It sounds counterintuitive, but it is actually a way of not internalizing and accepting somebody elses assessment that you are an unworthy or bad person. You can say I'm sorry because you actually don't believe it yourself and you are truly sorry that somebody else has to carry around such a burden of fear, hostility, anger, insecurity, and me first. You say "I'm sorry" to ease that burden because you are carrying none of it. Not "I'm sorry I'm me", but "I'm sorry you're you" in a sense.
So Jesus was right. Turn the other cheek is your only true escape from these encounters. I realized on the drive home that I actually had a moment of choice to wait to finish parking until they were all unloaded and gone. Just looking back and making sure nobody was right behind me or next to me wasn't good enough. But as I chose to assert myself and go ahead and move the car with people in the aise next to me, I opened myself up.
The second chance I had was when she first spoke with me. The original "Oh, I'm sorry," which I made sure I pointed out to Dave, wasn't quite good enough. He said I need to apologize again and again as long as it took. Following her initial "could have been more careful" remark would have been a good time. And then if I really wanted to exorcise it all, I could have added, "You are absolutely right. I will be more careful next time. I'm sure glad he's okay" And then I could have walked away all rubbery and bouncy and fun. Just like a Hoppity Hop. Isn't that a wonderful feeling!
So Jesus was right. Turn the other cheek is your only true escape from these encounters. I realized on the drive home that I actually had a moment of choice to wait to finish parking until they were all unloaded and gone. Just looking back and making sure nobody was right behind me or next to me wasn't good enough. But as I chose to assert myself and go ahead and move the car with people in the aise next to me, I opened myself up.
The second chance I had was when she first spoke with me. The original "Oh, I'm sorry," which I made sure I pointed out to Dave, wasn't quite good enough. He said I need to apologize again and again as long as it took. Following her initial "could have been more careful" remark would have been a good time. And then if I really wanted to exorcise it all, I could have added, "You are absolutely right. I will be more careful next time. I'm sure glad he's okay" And then I could have walked away all rubbery and bouncy and fun. Just like a Hoppity Hop. Isn't that a wonderful feeling!
I'll have to write about my previous Walmart encounter another time. I'm still not quite over it or ready to admit it happened.
Love to you. E
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