It's been a long while and Grandma Anderegg motivated me to post on our blog. Not sure how many people are viewing it, but we'll assume somebody is. Especially now that Grandma and Grandpa Spencer are in Mexico. They are serving their third mission as Area Medical Advisors in the Monterey area. Hopefully they'll get online and check us out.
We put up our tree for Family Home Evening last week, but Isabel had a hard time not picking the berries and pine cones off the tree. I was getting stressed out about the money we spent on the tree and wondering what was going to happen once we put our nice decorations on it and Christmas was not starting out on a good note. Isabel's association with Christmas trees is "No. No." I would say it very frustratedly and then Calla was my little enforcer. When Isabel would walk past the tree and point and raise her voice and say "No. No." Calla would worriedly usher her away. I knew something wasn't quite right. I went to bed a little disappointed in myself and frustrated with Isabel. After sleeping on it, I discovered that it wouldn't matter if the tree was missing half of the tips on the bottom. We won't even have this tree in five years I'm guessing. I felt what was more important is that Isabel have a happy, joyful feeling as she learns about Christmas and that she feel a secure place in our family as she explores and tries things out and establishes her relationship with her sister Calla. Sometimes I feel a bit out of patience because I've been there done that with Calla and I forget that Isabel is doing this all for the first time and I need to try and give her the space to learn and find joy in her discoveries as I did with Calla rather than thinking about the aftermath, the cleanup, teaching responsibility, appearances, etc.
So in honor of Isabel and my newfound respect for her newness and a deeper understanding of Christmas, I post the picture of our tree: a 3 foot tree wonder we bought for Calla to decorate last year. So that everybody can have a hands on tactile Christmas tree experience this year and mom doesn't get too caught up in the performance of a beautiful, no-kids tree. So that we can focus on the meaning of Christmas and not the trappings (even though Christmas trees are not really trappings and if you could only have one decoration for Christmas, a tree would be it!) Please enjoy the two matching D.I. chairs that frame the tree. I still haven't been able to invest in great furniture, nor do I want to considering we're going to rent out our place next year. More on that later.
I'm also posting our nativity. Our one and only truly heirloom decoration thanks to Grandma Anderegg. I can put it up high enough so I can enjoy it and it's still safe from little fingers. Please note the green wall behind the fireplace. Yes, I painted the room yet again, but this is the last time. I didn't want renters to come into to a rainbow house and think the house was a fun house that they didn't have to take care of. We have an officially all green house now, walls, carpet. I will hire a designer to think through these agonizing, costly decisions for me with our next house or just paint it all white.
News: We're expecting our third baby girl. We didn't know that the last time I posted on the blog. We had an ultrasound on Tuesday, 19 weeks. We're due April 30, just one month before Isabel's second birthday.
My brother Jon got married in October to a beautiful girl named Heather. We're so happy for them to begin the journey. And it is undeniably a journey. We are grateful to be on it although we literally feel stretched at times. This stretching and growing is essential. What a blessing to feel your progress. I think that is a tender mercy of the Lord amidst large challenges. I think about the pioneer stories and the description of coming to "know the Lord in our extremities." We've been at extremes for so long that it almost doesn't feel right when things lighten and get easier. However, I am grateful for the blessings we see coming our way.
I wrote down a thought I had several months ago as I was processing my life (as I often do) and struggling to feel more grateful and recognize the Lord's hand in my development individually and our development as a family. I thought clearly that when we feel stressed and challenged it is important to endure it for a while, to put some time in and we'll figure it out, rather than force a change. We can learn through a process of discovery rather than a process of resistance. Sometimes we don't see things as clearly at the beginning as we do at the end. I also learned that instead of looking with despair at the road ahead, I needed to look back to see how far we've come: missions, college, marriage, children, home owners. It's a pretty good list as far as I'm concerned and for some reason lists make sense to me. We really are learning and growing and doing. I need to have confidence that the Lord will always watch over us and provide for us as long as we are striving to obey the commandments.
Understanding and choosing submission is the great lesson of adulthood. Although we were born to it, we naturally outgrow this divine attribute. Maybe we come as helpless infants so that we can get some practice early on to allow us to one day return to it. I feel we will be tried further to learn humility to bear the the Lord's will, to heed the counsel of a prophet, to align our lives with "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", to live within our means. I hope that when the time comes I will be practiced enough to naturally and joyfully kneel at the Savior's feet.
In the meantime I am grateful for the lessons and joys of motherhood. I wish I was more keenly aware of my daughters' feelings and patterns of learning. I hate to hurt them. But I get better at mothering as Dave becomes more involved in his role as a provider and I I have more experiences with the girls. I truly feel this is what I was sent here to learn, to put myself on the back burner and take care of the needs of my children before my own, to care more about their feelings than my own. That doesn't really jive with today's prescriptive of "Me. Now." but I feel it is right and righteous and I desire to master it so it is an effortless expression of my true and refined nature.
Love to you. E.
