God Gave us Families

"God gave us families to help us become what he wants us to be." This is a truth I have discovered as a wife and mother. This line comes from one of our primary songs which was the theme song of our primary program this year, "My Eternal Family." We performed it today with a great spirit. I tried not to let the stress anxiety get in the way and it worked. I focused on only praising positively and I could see the light in the return smiles as the kids sang and happily followed my directions. We sang 8 songs and I love them all:

God Gave Us Families
How Firm a Foundation
My Eternal Family
I Feel My Savior's Love
Baptism
I'll Seek the Lord Early
He Sent His Son
Families Can Be Together Forever

Dave and I sang solos on the opening song that outlines the fathers and mothers roles and opportunities to serve in the family. What a blessing to teach our children gospel truths through music and example. I hope they will remember it forever.

Our Father has a family It's me, it's you,
all others too. We are his children.
He sent each one of us to Earth, through birth,
to live and learn here in families.

Chorus:
God Gave us Families
to help us become what he wants us to be.
This is how he shares his love,
for the family is of God.

A father's place is to preside, provide,
to love and teach the gospel to his children.
A father leads in family prayer to share
their love for Father in Heaven.

Chorus

A mother's purpose is to care, prepare,
to nurture and to strengthen all her children.
She teaches children to obey, to pray,
to love and serve in the family.

Chorus

I'll love and serve my family and be
a good example to each family member.
And when I am a mom or dad, so glad,
I'll help my family remember.

God Gave us Families
to help us become what he wants us to be.
This is how he shares his love,
for the family is of God.

It makes perfect sense to me that as we our whole through our family relationships, our Father in Heaven would allows those relationships to continue after death. It truly would be hell to be far from Father without my family. E

Incredible Dave's 3rd Annual - Thanks

Well we pulled it off! Dave's third annual client appreciation party came off without a hitch. We served tacos to about 50 people at Granite Park. We didn't get really nervous until just an hour or so before when I realized I had to somehow transport a sloshy pan of beans, hot rice and hot chicken and beef filling to the park. Oh yeah, in the CRV with the three kids and the client appreciation reward of a bike trailer. Oh and a half sheet double-layer chocolate mousse cake. Dave was heroic and took it all in stride. He went ahead and set up the tables and dropped off the net for volleyball. Came back and got us along with all the food and service minus the beans and one pan of meat an half hour before Then he quickly went back home and brought the food, smartly packed with towels to prevent "sloshage", and the bike trailer. Whew! Dave really is incredible. I love him and admire him more each year as he gets more and more organized and prepared.

Thanks to Cathy and Jerry for the tables, cloths, and the slow cooker. Thanks to Leta for cutting up all the beautifully colored peppers!

It was a beautiful night. We listened to Chris Jones playing and singing music and the kids were playing on the jungle jims. We didn't bother taking any photos, we just enjoyed the party. Dave did an excellent job of welcoming and thanking everybody for their support as professional clients. If you didn't make it, I hope you got your thank you note in the mail. As Dave always says, "I'm never too busy for your referrals." Thank you everybody for making our success possible! Thanks to Heavenly Father for always providing in a timely way. E

Daphne Dream

It's official. Daphne is just a dream. She's 4 1/2 months now. I can't believe how effortless it has been to nurture here. The first three weeks were a bit uncertain, but once the nursing kicked in, we were home free for sure. She is full of chirping happy sounds. She is always delighted to see you. She is almost completely rolling over and in love with her thumb. She didn't start sucking her thumb until this past month where Calla started sucking within the first week or two. However, Daphne seems to love sucking her thumb any time of day or night, not just to sooth hunger or lull herself to sleep. Interesting development. I thought I might not have been nursing her enough, but I think she just loves it, because there's no way possible I could nurse her as often as she chooses to suck it. We would be siamese mother and baby. E

Potty Training and Anger Management

Belle and I are settling into a routine of much needed one-on-one time. Her language skills are taking off sans spokesister. I am learning to pay more attention to her speech and needs. Her speech therapist is coming this Thursday and she will surely be testing out of the program that day. Hooray for Belle!

We started a bit of potty training this week as she will often take her diaper off as soon as it's wet and she usually announces after she has filled it. I've been pretty laid back about it, until this weekend. I let myself get carried away with too many commitments in one day and too many thoughts of "performance" like putting on a dinner for somebody, making sure the peaches don't get wasted, etc.

She had an amazing day when she went "tinkle" twice on the potty in one day, but by the end of the day we were both tired. I was busy trying to get the dinner on and she was exhausted and wanting milk. We were out. I just couldn't see the solution of offering water or even making powdered milk. She would have accepted it gladly. So I just kept listening to her crying, going crazy in my mind, and saying we don't have milk. We'll have to go to the store later. Anyway, things totally degenerated. I ended up having to stop what I was doing anyway to take off her wet pants and underwear after an accident and as the crying and wailing continued the phrase "Just get away from me," escaped loudly from my mouth. Oh not to mention I had just accidentally kneed her in the head as I was hurriedly exiting the bathroom.

Humm. Not a great day as far as following the "warmth=confidence" mantra. Where was my warmth and compassion? Where was my focus? What was my priority? Well it definitely wasn't Belle. It wasn't Calla or Daphne for that matter. It was me. I decided I don't ever want to do that again.

Needless to say, I think we'll wait a bit for potty training until Belle really starts asking for it. I haven't quite caught up with my sleep for me to really make this a productive and joyful step for Belle. Belle's wakes up as much or more than Daphne so I have spent many days like a walking zombie. I don't offer this as an excuse for the inexcusable, I just have become more aware of where my feelings, thoughts, and unmet physical needs can take me. I don't want my children to be safer away from me than they are when they are near me.

I am casting off all performance and I am refocusing on my children. I am going to spend the week really listening to Belle and Calla and Daphne and responding more timely and appropriately. This is what I am here to learn. This is what I signed on for by choosing to have children. How grateful I am to have such loving, energetic, and beautiful girls. I hope they will remember I was a kind and loving mother who taught them well and exuded warmth and tenderness. Dave watched with Belle that night so I could sleep alone in another room and just take care of Daphne. It helped a lot and I was much happier to see her in the morning. We might do this again if needed to help both Belle and I move into a new phase of interdependence. E

Kindergarten

I'm getting behind. It's been several months since I really posted so I'm going to give you a bunch at once. Hope you enjoyed the "I'm Rubber" posting. I really connected with the visual. I'm going to print the photo with the caption "Be the Hoppity-hop". I realize that I have failed to document one of the most significant events of a mother's life. Kindergarten. It all started on Thursday, September 3, 2009 at 9:00 am. My first child is now in Kindergarten. I didn't cry about it on the day. I cried about it the night of Calla's 5th birthday party. I was overcome with a feeling and understanding that she would never be young again and after Kindergarten comes first grade and after first grade, second. We're on the roller coaster now and won't get of for another 12 years. Woa.

I'm actually really excited for her to meet new friends and discover new abilities. She is such a close companion to me and I remember really settling in with school and feeling quite comfortable there, at least academically. I hope she'll have a bit more social success than I. My greatest hope is that she will remember who she is. Her integrity will give her confidence and protect her from embracing incorrect and unrighteous principles. I hope she will be full of kindness and seek to include those who are not so secure and happy and blessed as she and bring others into the light. I hope she will seek learning and enjoy study. I hope she will always be mine.

The bus ride has been a bit of a stretch as it adds a half hour at the end of her half day (9:00 - 11:40 am). We'll see if she starts getting used to it. It has been convenient for me not to have to drive her or walk her all the way to school, but I worry about having a 5 year old on the bus when she could be home with me. Overly protective? The second day out she told me she didn't want to ride the bus home because she was too tired, so I jogged 7 minutes to her school (because we were late trying to accommodate something for Belle). I come up to her in the bus line out of breath and sweating. What does she say with a scrunched up nose? "Mom, you're not supposed to be here! I'm going on the bus." Okay, I'll see you at home. E

I'm Rubber You're Glue

I had a funny run-in at Walmart today. It always happens at Walmart. I don't know why I continue to shop there. It draws me in my worst moods and it seems to draw other people that I don't really want to be around. This is the second time I have been accosted by a woman looking for fault. But it's not the first time this has happened this year so maybe I'm drawing these types of encounters.

I had a really rough day with Isabel yesterday and realized that she needs a lot more from me. I have fallen into the typical middle child syndrome and spent a lot of my time directing her to somebody or something else. We have experimented a bit with potty training and she might be ready because we had two wins on the potty yesterday. I am not ready however and I need some more positive experiences with Bell and more time to focus on her before we go down that path.
Today was an attempt to make ammends with her. We went just the two of us. Trying desperately to escape negative energy who did we encounter right when we arrived: Super Mom with five kids in her minivan. She must have been trying to get out too because she pulled in quicker than I could finish parking and just as quickly got the kids unloaded.
Anyway, my car was still in motion for the last little bit. I had to get out and move a cart before I could pull in completely. As soon as I got parked and out of the car, I heard her calling to me.
"Blah. Blah. Mumble. Mumble."
"I'm sorry. What was that?"
"You know you almost ran over his foot." Complete surprise on my face. Which kid. When? How?
"Oh. I'm sorry."
'You know you could be more careful." Humm. Should I pick up this gauntlet? I wouldn't be me if I didn't for just a minute. You see, I'm a glue personality.
"Well you might want to wait until I have finished parking to unload your children." Here's where it gets good.
"Well you came in the wrong direction and made an illegal uturn." I don't think it's illegal to go the opposite direction down a parking lane with slanted stalls. It might be a little inconsiderate if the lane is narrow, but hello this is Walmart and hello I'm driving a CRV that's only about 5 feet long. Oh no, I've fallen into the trap. Time to pull out.
"Is he okay?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Thanks." Turn around. Pick up Isabel. Walk away. Luckily she was still in the car and didn't get contaminated.

I get so disturbed by these encounters. They stick with you and they are destructive. I tried to ignore the feeling and focus on serving Isabel. Being aware of her needs and desires. Letting her explore the aisles with me, but it took me the whole drive home to finally get rid of it. I decided I was not going to be a glue personality anymore. I was going to simply say in my mind: Sorry. I can't go there with you. I'm not falling into that trap. And then just walk away. 

I really wanted to be more like Dave. He's a rubber personality. I talked to him about it. He taught me that being "rubber" isn't just deflecting because you'll still get poisoned. Nor is it just walking away. In order to be totally immune from the sting and not pick up the negative and angry energy and perpetuate it, prolong it, you actually have to say. "I'm sorry." It sounds counterintuitive, but it is actually a way of not internalizing and accepting somebody elses assessment that you are an unworthy or bad person. You can say I'm sorry because you actually don't believe it yourself and you are truly sorry that somebody else has to carry around such a burden of fear, hostility, anger, insecurity, and me first. You say "I'm sorry" to ease that burden because you are carrying none of it. Not "I'm sorry I'm me", but "I'm sorry you're you" in a sense.

So Jesus was right. Turn the other cheek is your only true escape from these encounters. I realized on the drive home that I actually had a moment of choice to wait to finish parking until they were all unloaded and gone. Just looking back and making sure nobody was right behind me or next to me wasn't good enough. But as I chose to assert myself and go ahead and move the car with people in the aise next to me, I opened myself up.

The second chance I had was when she first spoke with me. The original "Oh, I'm sorry," which I made sure I pointed out to Dave, wasn't quite good enough. He said I need to apologize again and again as long as it took. Following her initial "could have been more careful" remark would have been a good time.  And then if I really wanted to exorcise it all, I could have added, "You are absolutely right. I will be more careful next time. I'm sure glad he's okay" And then I could have walked away all rubbery and bouncy and fun. Just like a Hoppity Hop. Isn't that a wonderful feeling!

I'll have to write about my previous Walmart encounter another time. I'm still not quite over it or ready to admit it happened.
Love to you. E

Yard Work

I'm trying not to get too compulsive about my yard this summer as we are living 15 minutes away! I spent all last summer and the summer before revamping the flower beds out front and Dave heroically installed the sprinklers and sod in the back last summer. The front is still on manual so we have hired a neighbor boy to water twice a week and we hit it on Friday when we mow the lawn. Not ideal, but better than no grass at all. I took some pictures this spring of the beds, email me any suggestions for planting. I have tons of ideas, but limited funds. Wo is me! I did go ahead and invest in a beautiful Wine and Roses shrub. I've been wanting it for over a year and I figured a small $9.99 starter wouldn't break the bank. We'll see. I planted it on the North East border.




Other favorites I am saving up for: Mimosa Trees for the back yard, good shade, unique and pretty look. Ivory Silk Lilac Trees for the front parking strip. Hakuro Willow or Weeping Willow Tree for the front corner, and oh yes Peonies. Maybe pale pink mixed with pale yellow columbines like my mom's garden. Makes a pretty vase arrangement and will do well in the shade which I have plenty of in the front.